Kendyn - One Year

Happy 1st Birthday Kendyn!

I can't even believe that it was one year ago today that we went from anxiously awaiting a baby in December to finding out we'd be delivering that baby that same day ...

This was NOT how it was supposed to happen and this is NOT what we'd planned for, but sometimes God has a very different plan for us than we have for ourselves.  

July 14, 2016 is the day that Bill and I officially became parents. We gave birth to our 12.2 oz baby girl, Kendyn, at 11:08 pm.  She was tiny but perfect. We were able to have very precious moments alone with her as well as share her with a few family members and friends.  I am forever grateful that Chrissy offered to come take pictures of her.  I will treasure these pictures for life. 

The week following her birth and death that included planning and having a funeral were horrible.  Heart breaking and horrible.  This is NOT what parents should be doing with their baby.  That whole process was quite the story itself ...

I know I've said it before, but I am grateful that Bill and I are both teachers, so that we were able to have time off after this to grieve and mourn the loss of Kendyn together.  There were lots and LOTS of tears but we were there for each other and that is exactly what we needed.  

I can say that we grew closer and closer together.  I knew I loved Bill and that I would forever love Bill, but love really grows when you watch your husband hold your firstborn baby and when that same man is there for you to fall into when that baby is taken away from you ... 

There's days I wish things could be different and Kendyn could be a part of our family here on earth.  I also know that if we didn't lose Kendyn, we wouldn't have Reagan who is now the light of our lives.  

We have our 12.2 oz Kendyn bear to hold onto while we're hear on Earth.  It's comforting to hold that bear and remember just how heavy Kendyn was.  

God has a plan for us all, and we all have our own crosses to bear. I vow to continue to carry my cross through life and look forward to the day I can hold my sweet Kendyn again and never let her go. 

I also vow to keep Kendyn's spirit alive.  She is a part of our family and she is our first born. Bill and I are proud parents of 2 beautiful girls (and a little dog too)!