Molly Bears

Shortly after Kendyn was born and passed, my sister informed me of a non profit organization called Molly Bears.

This is an organization created by a family who suffered the loss of a baby.  Their mission is to help comfort grieving families who have lost babies by providing them with a custom bear that is the same weight as the baby they lost. I found them on facebook and began looking into what I needed to do to get my hands on one of these bears.  

Now, this is a very,very popular organization.  I found out these bears can only be ordered by the parents who lost a child and it is only a $20 fee to the family.  They only take 125 orders on the 30th of every month, and boy, do they go fast!  We were THRILLED to get our name on the waiting list on July 30.  We were waiting by the computer at the exact moment that the order form opened to ensure that we would make the list.  

We completed the form.  There was a comment portion to let the maker know something that reminded you of your child, so they could make this bear custom for you.  After our trip to Disney and using Minnie to help us announce the gender, I had to put Minnie.  Bill chimed in and said "Supergirl".  He had already bought her a supergirl dress.  As I clicked 'order', I was a little worried about what this bear would look like.  We were then notified that it is a 6- to 8 month waiting period to get your bear.... so we started our waiting process.  

Mid October, I received an email to confirm our order and recheck all information that was sent.  After replying, I received another email stating the bear would be shipped by Dec 16, which meant we would have it in time for Christmas.  I was thrilled! 

I was even more excited when I received an email in early November saying our bear had shipped!! 

On November 10, Bill's Birthday, our Molly Bear package arrived.  Bill had a basketball game that night, so I (not so patiently) waiting to open the box until he got home.  It felt like Christmas morning, opening this gift that we were soooo anxious to see.  

We pulled it out, and instantly fell in love. 

This is the PERFECT mix of Minnie and Supergirl.  I can't even begin to explain the emotions that came on when I held this bear that night. This 12.2 oz bear that represented my tiny, precious baby girl that I was only able to hold for a few short hours.  Tears came to my eyes as I held this bear and it brought be back to July 14 and 15.  Never would I have imagined that this bear could do that to me. 

Our Kendyn bear is now tucked safe in the crib where Kendyn would've been sleeping had we brought her home.  We plan to keep this bear in the nursery to remind us that she is watching over us and our future babies.  

I can't thank Molly Bears enough for providing us with this comfort.  There are days I just go in there and hold that bear for comfort.  Since I won't be able to hold my baby until I reach Heaven's gate, this Kendyn bear will get me through. 

If you know of anyone who has suffered from child loss, please refer them to this organization.  It's one of the best! 

Year One

Here we are.  One year of marriage... one year of being a Miller.

I've always heard that the first year of marriage is the hardest....

Well our year was hard, very hard, but I do have to say that Bill and I have grown so much over this year in our lives and in our love. 

Our first year has been a roller coaster full of emotions. 

-December - We celebrated our first Christmas in our new home and had our Moms and my Grandma over for breakfast on Christmas morning. 

-March - Bill had minor surgery to remove a cyst and we were ELATED to find out we were pregnant! 

-May - We both finished the school year and started summer together.

-June - We went to Disney (my first time) with Jen and Chris on a belated honeymoon and used Minnie to help us announce IT's A GIRL! 

-July - This was a very rough one for us. On July 14 we went from thinking our pregnancy was going great to hearing our pregnancy was ending.  We gave birth to our first child, Kendyn Kathryn at 11:08pm.  We officially became a family of three and enjoyed every single second we spent with our girl. I'll be forever grateful for that time that we was spent with her and all she knew in her short life here was love .  The next week we had to go plan her funeral and bury our baby.  Just heartbreaking.  We spent the remainder of July just making it through each day.  I am forever grateful that Bill and I were both off work and able to spend that time together just to hold onto and love each other.  It was exactly what we needed. 

-August- It was back to school for both of us.  As hard as it was, it was needed and it was comforting to find a new normal.

-September - On the 16th, we had a positive pregnancy test.  Oh my goodness! I was so excited, nervous, scared and everything in between ... Here we go with baby number 2.

-October - We had to say "See you later" to Bill's Grandpa.  It was a very hard loss especially after already losing his Dad.  Another moment that I'm so thankful we have each other to lean on as well as amazing family and friends.  We also got to see our baby #2 for the first time.

-Here we are back to November.  Celebrating Bill's 34th birthday.

I can't help but look back on November 14, 2015 and beam with pride. It was a dream come true for me!  After what I'd be through with Robert, there was a part of me that just kept questioning if this day would really happen. 

And it did .,.. Thank God! 

Photo credit to Valerie Cook.  She's amazing!! 

Just last week I went through every single one of our wedding pictures just to relive that day.  It was perfect in every way and the best part is .. at the end of the day WE WERE MARRIED! 

William - I love you more than life itself and thank God daily that I have you to love me for the rest of forever.  Last year, I couldn't imagine loving you more but seeing you through life's roller coaster this year has made my love for you grow enormously.  YOU are my happily ever after and MY prince who made my dreams come true.  

I will spend the rest of my days fighting for YOU! Happy 1st Anniversary!  Here's to many more with you by my side! Love you so much bigger!